COVER STORY
Eat Pray Dong: When Etsy Meets OnlyFans
Who knew that your grandma’s favorite hobby — crocheting — could be so hot?
When Charlie and Miles (@eatpraydong) started dating five years ago, they couldn’t have predicted that within two years they’d quit their full-time jobs, move out of their 700-square-foot apartment and buy a house — all thanks to their work as a couple on OnlyFans. As their spicy site bio says, they definitely “be fuckin.”
But if you follow the couple on Instagram, you might be surprised by what you see — even if you think you’ve seen it all. Crocheting, Charlie’s old-fashioned, family-friendly hobby, has become a surprising source of content for their fanbase. In fact, one could even confuse their Instagram account for an Etsy storefront.
So how does such crafty, SFW content reconcile with a steamy, NSFW couple’s OnlyFans profile?
According to Charlie and Miles, the two have more in common than you think…
Miles: We started our OnlyFans in March four years ago, and we were just posting randomly while still working full-time. We were trying to figure out how to advertise our content, and early on, we had a TikTok go mildly viral with 5 million views.
That was the light-bulb moment in which we realized the power behind social media. So we just started making stuff and throwing it out there to see what worked.
Charlie: Eventually, we started adding the crocheting content.It was a mixture of trying things out and of posting what was actually fun for us to do. At the end of the day, we’re a real couple, and we do every single thing together. We had to find a way that was going to be sustainable for us both as a couple and for work, and we found that that mixture worked for us personally and showed us results professionally.
Miles: It became more like, “Alright, what are some things that she likes to do that we can turn into content that will pique people’s interest enough to want to click and see more?”
Usually, what happens is people see her crocheting videos, and because they’re attracted to her or like what they see, they click the bio to go to OnlyFans and it's like, “Whoa, I never would’ve thought!”
Charlie: In a way, crocheting content itself — which is mainly for SFW social media — also makes its way onto our OnlyFans. If a SFW crocheting video goes viral, often I’ll make a video wearing the crochet item, and I’ll do a solo or a boy-girl video in it over on OnlyFans.
To me, both crocheting and OnlyFans are creative outlets. If you just look at the two, they’re very different, but for me it’s like, “I want to make this video on Instagram that’s going to bring people over on OnlyFans where I already made this other video that I want them to see.” It’s all interconnected, and it also allows me to choose what I want to focus on depending on the day I’m having. Some days I don’t feel like doing any social media, and other days I just want to get in a bikini and do some crocheting.
Miles: I love new ideas — that stuff is so much fun to conceptualize and to make. Five years ago, I couldn’t imagine myself coming up with an idea for any kind of social media video. Now, my brain goes crazy. It’s a kind of creativity that nothing else in my life has ever allowed me to express. Also, it can be monetized, which is really wild to me. I grew up playing music, and so many people told me I’d never make money as an artist. That pushed me on a different path. But now that we’re seeing the success that we’ve had from it, I can’t believe that I was pushing this side of myself down for so long.
Charlie: The beauty of the crochet content, for example, is that I’ve always had a purely male audience, and the crochet videos have allowed me to gain a bit more of a female one.
Now, I also get DMs from girls asking me to provide the crochet patterns, and I’ll give them my notes. I love the little girly community that’s started with it. Then, of course, there’s also DMs that are like, “Oh, I want to make this for my wife,” and I don’t really believe them. It’s a mixture of wholesome and “horny.”
The DMs I get on OnlyFans are some of the most surprisingly wholesome ones. They ask me how long I’ve been crocheting for and what I enjoy the most. Men especially are so nice over there — they genuinely ask questions to get to know you more.
Miles: Mixing in different kinds of content, like crocheting, prevents us from getting burnt out, and it also gives different vibes to our pages. That’s part of what has helped our success, too.
Charlie: Miles editing my videos with his “male gaze” makes a difference, too. I might look at something that he edited and be like, “Oh, I never would’ve thought of that.”
Miles: My favorite version of that is when Charlie points out something she didn’t like about herself in a video, and it’s something that never even crossed my mind. That’s not something that anyone outside of her and perhaps three other women are going to notice.
Charlie: Sometimes I tell him that I’m going to donate a top I crocheted because it isn’t good. And he’s like, “Let me just make a reel with you in that and show you how good it is.”
He does a great job at making me look and feel good. — As told to Serena Tara
This Week in 🌽🌽🌽
Hurts So Good
Exploringthe pleasure and pain — but mostly, the pleasure — of jiu-jitsu
You don’t need a particularly dirty mind to see that not a lot separates jiu-jitsu’s close-contact grabs and rolls from any number of sex positions — besides maybe a gi.
Adult content creator Tiffani Time and bodybuilder and Brazilian Jiujitsu blue belt Lexa Stahl certainly don’t. They recently tossed aside the aforementioned gis for a “jiu-jitsu GG scene” that will surely make your eyes roll backward.
You can find it on Tiffani Time’s OF and Fansly. — Serena Tara
HIMBO HISTORY LESSON
Hercules and the Fifty Virgins
Make the sequel Disney, we dare you
You probably know Hercules best from the eponymous 1997 Disney movie. In a quest to retain his god-like strength and immortality, Hercules risks his life and, of course, meets a smoking hot girlfriend along the way. It’s a wholesome, monogamous love story.
Unsurprisingly, the more salacious tales about Hercules — or Heracles, in Greek — didn’t make it into the family-friendly animation. There’s one in particular that stands out, so let’s talk about the lesser-known, non-canonical myth that we’ll call Hercules and the Fifty Virgins.
The Twelve Labors
According to Greek mythology, Heracles was cursed by Hera, wife of Zeus, who was the big boss of Greek deities. So, in a fit of madness, Heracles killed his wife and children. When Heracles returned to his senses, he was devastated and desperate to make amends. After being purified by King Thespius, Heracles followed the orders of King Eurystheus, who sent him Twelve Labors to complete.
Heracles traveled the ancient world, slaying a multi-headed hydra, man-eating birds and a hulking, fearsome lion. These feats are world-famous; they’re the inspiration behind centuries of artwork and proof of Heracles’ unreal strength. But there’s another one, too.
The Thirteenth Labor
Plenty of sources throughout history have pointed to Heracles as a playboy, but the juiciest tale is that of his so-called Thirteenth Labor. Some say Heracles slept with 50 women in 50 nights; others say it was a one-night gang-bang that would put Bonnie Blue to shame.
All of these women were the daughters of King Thespius (evidently a top lothario himself, given the width of his family tree), and they were gifted to Heracles in return for his agreement to hunt a lion terrorizing the countryside around Thespius’ home.
It’s thought that all of Thespius’ daughters were virgins, but Heracles’ sperm was apparently as strong as his biceps, as a whopping 49 of the 50 women fell pregnant with his babies.Naturally, the myth has inspired some horny artworks of its own.
Some sources say the 50th daughter refused (fair enough, given that this guy just fucked all 49 of her sisters)‚ so Heracles ordered her to become a virgin priestess and worship in a temple he had dedicated to himself.
Now that’s a sequel worth making. — Jake Hall
ONE MAN’S PIXELATED IMAGE IS ANOTHER MAN’S…
Guess the Kink
Scroll all the way to the bottom for the answer.
TRUE Sandwich Artists
The Reddit Forum in Search of the Perfect ‘Boob Sandwich’
Don’t forget the mayo!
Some subreddits are more inventive than others, and somewhere near the top of that list sits the impressively inventive r/boobsandwich. In this cleavage-heavy wonderland, there’s just one rule: “boob sandwich only.”
A Boob Buffet
Before you conjure images of big, bouncy breasts squished between pieces of bread, the mods offer a little clarification. A “boob sandwich” consists of “boobs sitting just underneath or on top of a bra.” The pinned post is a handy tutorial, which gives visual breakdowns of different boob sandwich varieties.
The old-school version (the classic sub, if you will) consists of a top being pulled up and a bra being pulled down; these constitute the “bread.”Tits, of course, are the “meat.”
“Half sandwiches” are acceptable, too. They’re the sophisticated Danish smørrebrød, the underrated open-faced sandwich, of tit pics. A “half sandwich” is formed by pulling down your bra or top, and letting your boobs rest comfortably on top. There’s no need to squish down the filling; ample bosoms are freed from their metaphorical, carby confines.
Dust Off Your Sandwich Jokes
Admirably, almost every post in this subreddit feels like it was custom-made to fit the boob sandwich requirements, likely a result of careful moderation. With the exception of one errant pizza slice, there’s no actual food involved, just endless variations of the boob sandwich formula.
Captions are usually pretty creative: There are halal sandwiches and sandwiches so small they might be sliders. Expect plenty of “titwank” references (the “put your meat between my buns” line practically writes itself), and, of course, the occasional nod to everyone’s favorite cum-like condiment: mayonnaise. — Jake Hall
FUNNY BUSINESS
Five Hilariously Filthy Memes
GOING TO XXXTREMES
How Do You Get Permanently Banned from OnlyFans?
Behold Bonnie Blue’s Petting Zoo
At just 26 years of age, British sex worker Bonnie Blue is one of the most controversial names in OnlyFans history.
In the last year alone, she’s lingered around a college campus to cast “barely legal” teens to sleep with and was possibly arrested — or was that just a PR stunt to sell the “fucked by a cop” fantasy? She also claims to have completed an X-rated challenge with logistics that rival the Olympics: fucking 1,057 guys in the span of just 12 hours.
Dumb social media challenges are nothing new (let’s pour one out for the TikTok teens still digesting Tide Pods), but Blue is among the highest-profile creators making them X-rated.
It seems, though, that her plans for something called “Bonnie Blue’s Petting Zoo” were a step too far. Back in June, an OnlyFans spokesperson confirmed to British tabloid The Sunthat Blue had been permanently banned from the site for discussing her plans, saying that “any ‘extreme challenge’ is … not permitted under our Acceptable Use Policy and Terms of Service.”
So, how far do you have to go to get permanently banned from OnlyFans?
Blue explained in an interview that her petting zoo involved being tied up in a glass box in a house in Central London. Her temporary glass home would be open to the public, and visitors could join her in the box to touch her, have sex with her or just stare at her. She even joked about taking her proverbial show on the road: “I would love to be in a [truck] fucking my way through London, but that would probably be illegal.”
News outlets have framed Blue’s stunt as OnlyFans “finally” axing creators, but any sex worker on the platform knows it’s not difficult to get banned and the site is far from the Wild West that anti-porn campaigns claim it to be. In fact, at one point, porn performers had to create databases to track the never-ending changes to banned terms, and it’s pretty common knowledge that soliciting clients for IRL meet-ups is almost guaranteed to get you axed.
OnlyFans creators have been similarly booted for breastfeeding their boyfriends, and fluid play — like piss play, bloodletting or scat — can get you in serious trouble as well.
In other words, it doesn’t take an extreme challenge to get you banned — just a squirt of milk will do it, too. — Jake Hall
TUGGING AT THE HEARTSTRINGS
Watch This Hilarious Supercut of Men Realizing Their Favorite Happy-Ending Spot Has Closed
All good things must come to an end
A video claiming to show men arriving at their local happy-ending massage parlor, only to find out it’s been shut down, is the timeline cleanse I needed today.
The clip, posted on Instagram by user browithnolife, is captioned, “POV: you work in front of the happy ending place that closed a month ago,” and depicts five different men walking up to the shuttered building, placing their hands on their heads in disappointment, and walking away.
Three of the men lean in to read the signage left on the door, two of them throw their hands up in disbelief and one gives the door a strong tug (sorry), just to be sure.
I assume the sign on the door reads something like, “We’re closed, beat it!”
Again, my apologies. — Peter Rapine
TWITTER BOP CRUSH
Tease Frame
Meet @spideyava. You can find her on both Twitter and OnlyFans.
RIGHT OR WRONG
Answer to Guess the Kink
It’s impact play. Usually considered a kink that belongs in the realm of BDSM, it’s a sexual practice in which one person is consensually repeatedly struck (often with a kink-friendly object) by another person for pleasure (of either or both people).
Common impact play objects include — but are not limited to *wink, wink* — leather whips (pictured above), floggers, canes, paddles, belts and straps.
Don’t have any of these? No worries — that old kitchen rag will do.
Closing CREDITs
The XXXtra Spicy newsletter is edited, written and curated by Serena Tara, with contributions from Jake Hall, Braden Bjella and Peter Rapine.